I am a cis woman who wears a binder

Growing up I never liked the stereotypical girls toys or girls clothes but I always still identified as a girl; even in my black jeans and t-shirt I still felt very much like a female. Throughout my teen years I often wore boys clothes and wouldn’t be seen dead in a dress but I felt feminine (in my own way).

When I became involved in intersectional feminism at age 15 and learned about the variety of genders, I like many others decided to question my own gender. I considered how I’d been brought up and whether my gender differed from my female sex, I still felt very much like a girl but maybe that was just what I’d been taught to feel. After months of casual deliberation I came to the conclusion that actually I was a cisgender woman, I felt like a woman, lady, female, girl, (I could go on forever) and I always had.

Now aged 19, my partner identifies as non-binary and wears a chest binder to combat their gender dysphoria while I still identify as cis. However in the last few months I have found myself slipping (well more like forcing) it on when they leave it at my house; and not just to try it on, several times I’ve warn it all day for a couple of days. My relationship with my boobs has always been unusual, as a teen I either used to wear padded bras to show them off or sports bras to strap them down, and this changed from day to day. At the time I didn’t think this was unusual, after all boobs were fun but they was also really really annoying; they hurt half the time, and bounced too much, and got in the way.

Though the same pattern continues today, some days I’m very happy to wear a push up bra to show them off, but other times I despise them and attempt to push them as far down as possible. There are days I love my boobs but there are also days I feel sick to my stomach having to see them in the mirror. However my gender identity is still cis (I’d go as far as demi-girl) even with the binder hiding something that is supposed to be intrinsically feminine, I still feel feminine. The thing is I don’t think I associate breasts with being female, some women don’t have any and some men have handfuls; so even in the binder I feel female, in my head I am a woman and so it doesn’t matter how I choose to express myself.

For the last month I’ve been seriously considering buying my own binder, and today I think I’ve arrived at that day. I won’t wear it everyday, I probably will wear it less than 50% of the time, but on the days I do wear the binder it will combat the dysphoria I feel.

 

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An Introduction

I’ll be honest in saying that I’ve written and rewritten this post more times than I care to admit. My perfectionist nature means every draft has been too serious, too pretentious, too formal, or just downright not good enough. Until I realised than I was trying way too hard to be impressive and not hard enough to be genuine, so I’ve decided to take a much more relaxed approach.

Hey! My name is Rosie, I’m an 18 year old A Level student from the UK. I’m in my second (and last) year at a college in Devon; studying English Literature, Media Studies, and Psychology. My favourite things to do are walking, photography, writing, reading, watching documentaries/films, and listening to music. I’m extremely passionate about most social issues, such as, feminism, politics, animal rights, and discrimination of any kind.

I’ve started this blog to voice the opinions and feelings I harbor but never seem to release. I’ll be writing about various issues ranging from my opinions on government, to how to successfully home-dye your hair. While I don’t have an upload schedule but I’ll attempt to force myself to write once a week – only time will tell how that goes – otherwise I’ll be writing whenever inspiration strikes.

I hope you stick around as there are some exciting posts to come!

See you soon, Rosie xx